Hey there, you wild bunch of floral fanatics, and welcome to The Bloomin’ Bitch – the unapologetically blunt hub for florists who are fed up with the petals and posies facade and ready to dish out some serious sass. I’m your floral provocateur and resident wise-cracker, here to guide you through the thorny jungle of our beloved industry with a side of snark and a splash of sarcasm.
Now, let’s set the record straight: this ain’t your grandma’s tea party. We’re not here to gush over the scent of a rose or wax poetic about the meaning of a lily. No, we’re diving headfirst into the messy world of procrastinating customers, cheapskates looking for a bargain blooms & deep discounts, and complainers who wouldn’t know a tulip from a turnip if it hit them in the face.
At The Bloomin’ Bitch, we’re all about keeping it real. We’ll swap horror stories about snafus that have us reaching for the nearest bottle of wine (you pick your poison) faster than you can say “where’s my damn delivery?” We’ll commiserate over holiday mishaps that would make even the most seasoned florist break out in a cold sweat. And we’ll do it all with a healthy dose of sass, because let’s face it, sometimes laughter is the only thing keeping us from throwing in the towel and running off to join the circus.
So, whether you’re a seasoned veteran or a fresh-faced newbie trying to make sense of this floral minefield, grab a seat, pour yourself a stiff drink (you’ll need it), and join me as we navigate the highs, lows, and everything in between of life as a florist. Because when it comes to flowers, the only thing that’s certain is that nothing is ever as simple as it seems. Let’s get bloomin’, bitches!